- In the last 24 hours I've dropped Nutella and coffee on my phone. Officially the best smelling phone EVER. #Melbourne #foodpornThursday, 08.21.14 23:20
- Nope @JoeHockey your comments were not misreported, you are just an out-of-touch, ignorant, cigar-chomping, fat cat asshole. #auspolTuesday, 08.19.14 02:25
- What you think? @NickKyrgios http://t.co/ugcqbxJFjE #australia #tennis #nickkyrgios http://t.co/wovUj8AbESMonday, 08.18.14 23:16
- Pathetic @melbournefc 10-year member here. Every yr that money looks like it could be put to better use elsewhere. #aflSunday, 08.17.14 09:38
- Guys on #TheRiff say Iggy Az being a try hard. Maybe (?) but coming from that fluffy-haired mega try-hard tool? Good one @channelvSaturday, 08.16.14 01:01
Wait, I could be pope?
So, we (I say we, but I mean you – if that’s your bag) have a new pope. This basically means that we’re going to see someone else rock the pope mobile, wave from balconies, and uphold ridiculously out-of-date views. My religio-skepticism aside, at least Pope Francis looks substantially less scary than the last guy. I’m also hearing all this hoo haa about how he was chosen because he is super humble. Apparently, he caught the bus a few times, cooks his own meals and lives in his own apartment. That’s not bad, I guess. He seems like an everyman, really.
Wait – let’s break this down. This guy was chosen because he:
- Caught the bus (a few times)
- Cooks his own food
- Lives in an apartment
Well, this makes things really awkward, because as it turns out – I do all of the above. I caught the bus for nearly 10 years at school, have been cooking for yonks and am currently residing in an apartment. Actually, I have lived in a few.
I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I think this means I’m probably in line for the next position!! In fact, there is every chance I was overlooked for the current role. I COULD get frumpy about it all, but you know what? I’m going to turn the other cheek, and take it in my stride – because that seems like a very popely thing to do. Until next time.
Vote  Pope