- Hi friends! I'll be on 'The Project' tonight talking about The Short News! Channel 10, 630pm. Woohoo! @theprojecttv http://t.co/pgfAPdulz2Monday, 01.19.15 06:32
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Perhaps crazy dictators just need more hugs. Or ice cream.
Oh, it looks like Kim Jong-Un (KJU) is at it again. According to an article I read in ‘The Age‘ this afternoon, North Korea looks set to carry out a ‘major military exercise’ shortly. I’m guessing this is the next step in KJU’s diabolical plot to take over the world. I don’t know, this whole ‘fear me, I’m a really scary guy’ routine is just too funny. Yes, I know that he’s cray and could literally do anything – and that’s why the North Americans have, like, 3.2 gazillion rockets, annoying politicians, and laser beams pointed at him and his toys as we speak. I, on the other hand, have a blog – and I’ma use it to comment on Mr. Cranky Pants from the comfort of my rocket-free home.
KJU sure does like to threaten a lot – and without preempting / jinxing a damn thing, he hasn’t delivered on shit. He must be feeling some serious pressure, though. I mean, he is following in some serious footsteps. His dad was so popular he managed to wear the same sunglasses FOREVER and not be judged for it. He was so cool, he TRANSCENDED fashion. Even Johnny Depp changes his shades occasionally. KJU’s dad even had a leading role in Team America! In that movie, Kim Jong Il was portrayed as a lonely leader. I think KJU is suffering from the same thing, but now he doesn’t have his dad around to tell him what a sweet job he’s doing, or how super evil his hairdo is. KJU is basically a kid who needs some friends. It can’t just be Dennis Rodman, guys. Dennis Rodman is busy…umm…being Dennis Rodman, and that means we have got to share the workload if we’re gonna get KJU out of this phase of his childhood (that awkward stage where he says things he doesn’t mean and parades his new toys to get attention).
Solution? I propose a FFKJU (Friends For KJU) program. It’s easy, you can register at www.FFKJU.com (not yet active – I would expect North Korea to foot the bill for that one, and as of the time of writing, my payment request is still pending), nominate your availability (i.e. Wednesday afternoons) and detail what you’d like to do with (read: WITH, not ‘to’) KJU. This could be anything from a walk along the beach to a trip to North Korea’s most happening ice cream spot! His favourite flavour is Boysenberry.
With a bit of collaboration, I reckon we can get KJU smiling again, hanging out with kids his own age, and perhaps playing a little less with his toys. At the very least, we can get him eating more ice cream – and that’s dairy, which will do his bones a world of good.