Hey, Life: Y U no Let me Win the Lottery?

I’ve played a few hands in the lottery lately. Just for clarification, I’m not speaking metaphorically here. I’m not referring to the lottery of life. I transferred some of my hard-earned monetary funds into the actual lottery, ignored the trillion-to-one odds and hoped for the best. Much to my surprise, I’ve not won a damn thing. Instead, I’m left with a stack of virtual receipts and a strange sense of wonderment (specifically, how quickly and comprehensively my money has vanished into thin air). No, wait – I know where it went. It’s currently forming part of the winnings of the lucky sods who DID win. Just this Tuesday night passed, 2 people won $25m each. Which leads me to the obvious question – hey, life – Y U no let me win the lottery?

It’s not that I expect to win the lottery. It’s just that I don’t expect NOT to. I understand the odds. I know it’s next to impossible. But I see other people winning. We’re not so dissimilar. They’ve got shoes and a stupid look on their face, just like me. I bet they’re also considering whether they can incorporate a 30 minute nap into their Sunday evenings without losing their street cred. Yeah, we’re the same – except one of us doesn’t have $25 MILLION DOLLARS (hint: me)!!

I’ve  had the strangest things happen to me over the years. People say it all the time – wow Sean, that was like a million-to-one. Behold:

  • I have been hit by cars (both in forward and reverse), and walked away without a scratch. Every time.
  • I was chased out of a client’s house with a broom. On another occasion, somebody used their car to chase me out.
  • I was asked out by a junkie, who fell asleep right after she asked me out.
  • An 80 year-old German woman told me (in front of stunned onlookers at a supermarket) that she had ‘dreamt we slept together’ and that it was ‘fantastic’.
  • I nearly blew up my mum’s kitchen (and perhaps the house) after I fell asleep while cooking caramel.

I could go on…

I understand these aren’t  ’trillion-to-one’ sorts of things, but they’ve all happened to me, and they continue to happen to me. They were all strange, far-fetched and completely unexpected. You know what else would be strange, far-fetched and completely unexpected? WINNING THE LOTTERY.

So, honestly – Y I no win the lottery already?

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