HI HO HI HO – where the hell did my holidays go?

After 16 days of non-work-bliss, I am now preparing myself for the sad trudge to the coal mine tomorrow morning. I almost don’t mind the walk itself because, by then, I have pretty much resigned myself to the reality of what’s ahead. Much like a discussion in one of my favourite films, Fight Club, it’s like the oxygen has dropped and I succumb to the inevitable.

I actually quite like my job but the allure of kicking around in my jocks every day, playing the PS3 and pondering my next activity/the meaning of life/whether I can justify lunch #2 is appealing.

The dread rooted in the ‘transition’ from holiday to non-holiday is easily the worst part of the whole process. The CONCEPT of returning to work chills me. It actually commences its dirty work the second you step out of the office and lingers until it materialises upon your return to work. It’s the urban grim reaper. It’s the dark cloud that follows you until it’s time to rain. I like to think that (the odd grumble aside) I’m a glass half-full kind of guy – but it’s hard not to at least THINK about the fact that at some point you’re going to have to get your ass back to work.

It’s actually kind of funny. There is always a moment during the holidays where I think to myself: geez, this whole living thing is actually pretty easy. I mean, there’s nothing to it really. I choose the time I get up, the time I get out of my PJs, and there is no pang of guilt when I go to bed late. Obviously, I’m an idiot because this is clearly stage 3 of the transition back to work. If it were a leaflet in a waiting room, it would be titled: ‘so, you’re going back to work (holidays are over, chump)’ and look something like this:

• Stage 1: Conceptual dread – you know you’ll have to return to work, but for now it’s just a date and nothing more.

• Stage 2: Distant dread – the return-to-work date is approaching, but it’s still so far away that you can afford to scoff at it.

• Stage 3: ‘Work’s not that bad’ dread – you’ve been falsely lured into thinking that life is actually quite easy. You think that everything will be this breezy when you return to work, but you still don’t want to go back.

• Stage 4: Looming dread – the date is fast approaching and you start to sweat. You think about the work waiting for you on your desk.

• Stage 5: ‘The MOMENT’ dread – this is the exact moment you resign yourself to the knowledge that the holiday is overrRRRR. This usually occurs around dinner time on the eve of your return. This is dread at its purest.

Please let me know if you would like a copy of the above leaflet. I imagine it will have my sad face on the cover.

Happy New Year 

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