The BONE-CRUNCHING TRUTH

I think I just zinged myself. I never knew that was even possible. I don’t do much zinging, but when I do – I don’t expect to be one who gets zinged! This morning, I was listening to some metal. I listen to a lot of music, but this morning it just happened to be some black metal by a lovely little Polish band called Behemoth. The album is chock-full of growls, snarls and BONE-CRUNCHING RIFFAGE.

I like metal because it energises me for a whole day of BONE-CRUNCHING PRODUCTIVITY. It worked as intended this morning and I arrived at work as energy personified. I placed my phone and earphones on the desk and set about my work for the day.

…And then there was the unmistakable hiss of static. I placed my ear against the computer – nothing. I paced around the desk – nothing. Then it dawned on me, I must have left my music on! So I checked my phone – but alas: nothing.

As it turns out, it was actually static and not metal. So, friends, what you have here is an idiot who mistook static for music he actually enjoys. 

ZING.

Look, if it had actually been my music, I guess it would have settled this matter and I would have to fess up to the fact that my music sounds like static. But that’s not what happened here. I THOUGHT the static was my music. Does that mean I think my music sounds like static? Will I be able to enjoy metal again?

This reminds me of a time I was zinged by a cleaner at work. She had placed a warning on the communal fridge letting us know that she was clearing it out and would throw away items that smelled‘off’. I had only one item in the fridge – a delicious little sandwich I made earlier that morning, so I clearly had nothing to worry about.

WRONG! Sean’s sandwich – BINNED.

It turns out that the cleaner confused my delicious-smelling sandwich with something that needed immediate destruction. Apparently Sean’s food smells like it’s off. ZING. To make things worse, some of the other items that made the cut were definitely questionable. My food didn’t even qualify for the ‘better-leave-it-just-in-case’ treatment.

So, the BONE-CRUNCHING TRUTH is that apparently my food smells like it’s off and even I reckon the music I choose to listen to sounds like static.

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